just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
