I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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