Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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