In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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