I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
