youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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