is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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