Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
