we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
