so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
