ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
try to milk me bitch
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
