dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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