I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
