Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
