She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
