Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
