I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
