tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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