My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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