literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize