then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
