we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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