It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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