he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
