dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
