You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
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she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
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New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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