hell yes lets make some ravioli
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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