So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
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the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
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He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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