JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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