I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
