ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We were destined to go to rehab together
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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