I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
