When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dick very happy bro
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
