I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
