OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
