drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
