I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
