Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Houston, we have a blender
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
where are my eyebrows?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
