He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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