Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
