Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
