Pappa wants mamma naked
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
