this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
