Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
