At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
