tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
party gras won. party gras always wins.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
