You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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