If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
