You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
