she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
