I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it hurts more in the daytime
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize