I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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