i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
