Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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