i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
