i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
