I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
