I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
