Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
