I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
