shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
