I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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