Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
