I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
