I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
