I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
