All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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