I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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