I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize