i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
