i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
