While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
