It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
