Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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