And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I take back everything I said about communal showers
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
