He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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